Everyday Struggle 

Everyday Struggle
You wake up feeling like you’ve had no sleep.

You bring your baby downstairs and feed them breakfast while nursing a brew already thinking how you can keep them entertained for another day.

You have hardly any money to do anything, and it’s pissing it down and the daunting day in the house dawns on you.

You try every toy, every silly face, every song and every silly dance to make them smile and laugh, but soon they’re moaning and crying again.

It’s frustrating for both of you.

They’re growing so fast and their almost new toys are boring, they’ve grown out of their jumperoo which was once the saviour and there’s not enough room in the house for them to potter about in the walker.

You hold them up and walk around supporting them which they enjoy, but it hurts your back and before long you have to sit them down again, which is when the moaning starts again.

The house is a mess, the pots are in the sink, the dusting and hoovering desperately needs doing.

You try to keep it together and stay positive for your baby.

You don’t want them to see you cry but you feel like a failure.

Why can’t I entertain my own baby? 

Are they bored of me?

What am I doing wrong?

Why can’t they crawl yet?

That’s why they’re so frustrated, but the more you try to encourage it the less they seem to try.

The day is so long and it’s not even the afternoon.

But you know you have to make it through.

Everyone else seems to be doing fine.

Soon bedtime will come around, and you’ll give them their last feed, everything will be calm and you’ll look into each other’s eyes and feel a connection like no other.

You know tomorrow will be just as hard, but in that moment everything is perfect and you struggle to remember why is was so bad today.
We have such a tough job, being the sole caregiver for our babies. It’s so demanding and takes every bit of our energy and emotions.
It’s a lifetime job that we’ll moan about and cry about, but the love we feel is indescribable. So we carry on, hoping that they’ll turn out okay and they’ll finally say “I love you” back. 
I’m struggling today, and that’s okay.

Maternal Mental Health

Everyone was so excited when you announced the news of your pregnancy. People asked about baby names and gender, they asked if you were going to breast or bottle feed. They maybe gave you advise and told you it worked for them so it would work for you too.
You were overwhelmed. People told you how you were glowing and how they missed being pregnant.
You felt guilty. All you could think is how much you can’t wait to be back to your normal self.
The pressure to give your baby the best diet, to not gain a lot of weight and to stay active when all you wanted to do was eat crap and watch tv with your feet elevated.
When your baby was born you thought all the hormones would stop. But since you’ve been a mother it’s non stop. The guilt of not feeling overwhelming love when you first saw your baby and not having that connection. The constant worry that you’re doing right by your child. The never ending comparisons to mothers all over the world that they’re doing so much better than you. The loneliness of having no one to talk to all day. The haunting realisation that your life isn’t going to get back to normal any time soon, and the hard work is inescapable. The unexpected drain on your relationship, no sex life, no desire to have sex, resentment, distance. Will you both make it through this? Having nobody to confide in because why would you admit you can’t do something that millions of women have handled since the beginning of time. 
Being a parent is so tough. You sacrifice every part of yourself for this tiny human who you love more than anything you can imagine. 

Your child loves you back. Unconditionally.

Today marks Maternal Mental Health Day. 

Let’s speak out without shame or embarrassment. We are mothers. Mothers with human emotion not superpowers. We are not perfect or magical. We are strong because we have to be. We didn’t get here without fighting through what can be the most challenging times in our lives. Having a baby is a beautiful thing, but we might not realise that as it’s happening and that’s okay. Because we love fiercely and we raise amazing humans. 

Speak out and seek help, I can guarantee there isn’t a mother out there who hasn’t felt even a fraction of how you’re feeling. Speak to a friend, a mother, your partner, even a Facebook “baby group”. We’re all here to support each other. 
Keep going, you’re doing an amazing job.  

#maternalmentalhealth #maternalMHmatters

Juggling It All Struggle

It just gets too much sometimes.

It hits me out of nowhere and I just want to fall to the floor and cry at the unfairness of it all. 

I’m so fed up of cleaning the house every fucking day for it to still be a shit hole.

I’m so fed up of doing loads upon loads of washing.

I’m so fed up of having to be a bloody Disney character for the majority of the day.

I’m so fed up of constantly worrying that I’m doing it all right. 

I’m so fed up of feeling guilty as shit for even thinking about spending time away or going somewhere without having to think about someone else.

I’m so fed up of waiting for a better future, a nicer place to live and a better environment for my family.

I’m so fed up of worrying that I’m being a good mother and a good partner simultaneously. Trying to be the perfect mum but also not lose myself and still be young and fun and alive.

Why are the days so long but the months so short?

Why, when I feel like I’m finally owning this partening shit does it all come crashing down and I suddenly feel like a failure in every aspect of myself?

I know this will pass. I know after I’ve written this I’ll feel the weight lift and be able to breathe again.

But fuck me this is hard. Isn’t it?